Have you ever had a doctor give you life changing bad news?
Did you feel like:
- You had no control?
- There were no options?
- Bad things were just happening to you?
It’s a helpless feeling, isn’t it?
In my experience, that is what it feels like when you are having a personal catastrophe? Sudden, major, life changing! But it is not true. You aren’t helpless. You do have choices. At least 3!
I found out over 30 years ago that I have MS, and I felt helpless. I have also had two employers go out of business, been laid off a few times, had to leave a job I loved because I couldn’t do it any more, and had to shut down my own business because I wasn’t making enough money. So I know what this is about.
It wasn’t until I had a family member go through a major health issue, that I realized how I had gotten through all those bad things. First I realized that it is 30 years since I was diagnosed with MS, and I’m still around, living a full, rich, rewarding life. So my first advice is to never give up. It may look bad, but you are probably going to get through it, so try to do it in a way that you will be proud of when you look back 30 years from now.
You may have heard it said that you can’t always control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it. I believe that there are always 3 ways you can respond to a catastrophic event. There may be more, but there are always three:
- You can let it define your life. I know of people who, when they found out that they had MS, just threw in the towel. Before long they had traded the chair they had sat down in for a wheelchair, the wheelchair for a bed, and the bed for a coffin. Now maybe they had a more severe form of MS than I do, but maybe they just let their catastrophe define them
- You can use it to define your life. John Walsh did this. John’s son Adam was abducted and murdered. John became known internationally as a victims advocate and crime fighter as the host of Americas Most Wanted, a TV show that has brought 1100 dangerous fugitives to justice and brought 50 missing children home to their loved ones. John used his catastrophe to define his life, as did Candace Lightner and Cindy Lamb. Candace’s daughter Cara was killed by a drunk driver while walking from her home to a carnival at the local church. Cindy’s truck was hit by a drunk driver when she and her 4.5 month old daughter Laura were headed to the grocery store. Candace and Cindy could have gotten depressed and given up, but instead they got MADD, forming Mothers Against Drunk Driving, which has changed the way drunk driving is perceived in our world. Like John, Candace and Cindy used their catastrophe to define their lives.
- You can define a life in spite of it. That is what I have done up to now. I didn’t choose a career or life’s work that revolved around my challenge. I just chose something I could do well in spite of my catastrophe.
I don’t think that any of these ways are right or wrong. But isn’t it easier knowing that there are options. You can make choices. I know it has made it easier for me!